A question is posed:
Osho,
These days here with you are certainly the most beautiful. Doing nothing, so much time to sit silently in the garden, in my room, and watch the trees dancing in the wind, sparkling in the sun. So much beauty.
These days here with you are certainly the most beautiful. Doing nothing, so much time to sit silently in the garden, in my room, and watch the trees dancing in the wind, sparkling in the sun. So much beauty.
My mind is finally getting used to the idea of being turned off. I am so peaceful, so happy. Now, today, again going inside on this path of silence, with thoughts drifting away and emptiness surrounding me, I am aware of a tension inside me as if I am holding on to something.
Osho, what am I holding on to, and how do I let go?
It is not difficult to find out what you are holding on to, what your subtle tension is inside. You are feeling peaceful, you are feeling silent, you are feeling blissful as you have never felt. Hence, side by side, a fear must be lurking inside that soon you will be going from here and will this peace, this silence, this blissfulness remain a part of you? Or the moment you are away from me, will it disappear? This fear is not only within you, it is in every disciple’s mind, that when you are here it is one thing and when you go back to the marketplace, into the world, you will find it more miserable, more saddening than before because now you have something to compare it with.
Have you seen…? By the side of the road you are standing in darkness, and a car passes with its headlights on. The darkness disappears for a moment. The car has gone, but strangely enough after the car has gone the darkness is greater than it was before the car had come. You have seen the light; now there is a comparison.
This fear is natural. Only one thing can be done about it, and that is not to repress it but let it surface. You are repressing; that’s why you are not finding what it is that is troubling you somewhere inside. Allow it to surface. Experience that fear also. Accept the fear, and accept the challenge of the fear. Tell your mind, “It does not matter where I am. Whatever I have experienced, it is my experience and I can create it again.” It may have been triggered in my presence, but it is not my experience, it is your experience. Let it be deeply settled in you that it is your experience, it has nothing to do with me. I may have been a catalytic agent, but the experience is yours. And now, once it has happened, you can create it again anywhere in the world. Maybe in the beginning you will find it a little difficult, because you have become accustomed, and associated it with my presence. But it is not dependent on my presence.
It is just as if you light a candle with another candle – but once the candle is lit, it has its own flame. Perhaps in the beginning it needed to be close enough to another flame, but once it catches the flame, it has its own; it is no longer dependent. And when you go away, you will experience what I am saying – but give it a chance. Don’t decide that “Now it cannot happen because the master is not here.”
The master was needed to make you aware that it is something within you. Now you have seen it. Close your eyes anywhere, and you can recreate the silence, the beauty, the bliss. You can even recreate the presence of the master – that is the most difficult part, but not impossible. It depends on how intense is your love, how deep is your trust.
But no need to try it; first try those things which you can create within yourself. And once you have created all those things then you can try the tremendously beautiful experiment of creating the presence of the master.
So don’t be worried; just bring your fear to the surface. And it is not only in you; it is in everyone. It is something in the nature of things. So don’t give it too much importance either; just accept it as a natural phenomenon which will disappear by your little experiments away from me.
I guarantee it will disappear, because I have guaranteed it to thousands of my sannyasins and it has disappeared from their lives. There is no reason why it should not disappear from your life. The principles are the same; there are no exceptions.
But no need to try it; first try those things which you can create within yourself. And once you have created all those things then you can try the tremendously beautiful experiment of creating the presence of the master.
So don’t be worried; just bring your fear to the surface. And it is not only in you; it is in everyone. It is something in the nature of things. So don’t give it too much importance either; just accept it as a natural phenomenon which will disappear by your little experiments away from me.
I guarantee it will disappear, because I have guaranteed it to thousands of my sannyasins and it has disappeared from their lives. There is no reason why it should not disappear from your life. The principles are the same; there are no exceptions.
