Spread Your Legs

I was brought up to 'close your legs' whenever I sat down in public. The reason?
Simply because of four words: You are a girl.
I understand if one was wearing a skirt or a dress, spreading your legs wide whilst sitting may be unsightly but why is it so when I'm wearing shorts or pants?

As a kid, I always felt rather restricted whenever I had to constantly clench my thighs together. I would sometimes cross my legs but that too was unacceptable for a kid in the eyes of my mother. I had to be conscious of my social etiquette which I did not understand and my mother would shoot daggers at me whenever she caught my thigh muscles taking a rest.

Guys could open their legs as much (I know why they had to) as they wanted when they sat and the wider they spread their legs, the more we perceive them as being manly or macho.

Which brings me to my point today. Sexism.
The never ending battle against chauvinistic pigs.

I never understood why a vagina makes such a huge difference. Just because of our seemingly different sexual organs, women receive lower benefits economically with lower pay at work, significantly lower work opportunities and a lesser pay as compared to men at work. While we deliver equal if not better results, the sad reality is that women are always losing out just because we are the 'fairer' sex.
.

A perfect illustration

So my question is if we are the 'fairer' sex, shouldn't we be treated fairly?  

Upon my exploration into this topic, I stumbled upon the Gender Equity Index conducted by Social Watch. Malaysia ranks first from the very pit bottom in gender equality in East Asia.
Read more here: http://www.socialwatch.org/node/14577

We are as bad as Laos and Cambodia. Seriously this is no joke given that Malaysia prides itself as being so economically and socially advanced as compared to our neighbours, yet the welfare of women are basically thrown out the window. You don't have to look too far, just look at the number of female ministers in our past Cabinet. I'm pretty sure you could count all our female ministers with one hand.

Socially, I've seen sexism all around me growing up, but I was too young to know how to coin that unfairness that I've seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears.

I was a school prefect. Being Standard 6, 12 years old is the time where girls peak faster than boys, emotionally and mentally so we are naturally more matured than our male peers. Having said that, the discipline teacher would elect a new head prefect and assistant head prefect among the graduating students of that year. So there stood a very capable classmate, always first in class, a natural leader and a respected figure among students (currently a Petronas scholar studying accounting in the University of Sydney) and another friend who was from the second class, had a playful attitude and was of a softer character (I lost touch with this friend). Not that there was anything wrong with being more sensitive, but he would bend rules in favour of his friends which was definitely not a sign of good leadership. Lo and behold, the guy from the second class was opted as the head prefect. A surprise? Not at all. Cause he was after all a guy and my classmate was a girl.

I listened on as my discipline teacher, shockingly a female teacher told me and my dejected friend that she was sorry but the headmaster wanted the position of a head prefect to go to a boy. At the expense of a much better leader that is. There wasn't any choice but to let him take the helm of the prefect board but it was the assistant head prefect who had to do all the work ultimately.

At that young age, I was brainwashed to think that men would always be more superior than women, no matter how smart, how capable we are, even if we were even better than them and that we could prove it.  

Thankfully, I then proceeded to enrol in an all girl's secondary school which used to be a mission school. By the time I left, I didn't only take with me 5 years of knowledge but I was also imparted with values that moulded me to who I am today.

My brush with sexism did not end there. I later joined Judo and became a competitive player. I trained as hard as the guys in my team yet when I won, they would pass remarks of 'If i was a female, i would've won gold too. The male categories are much tougher than girls'. I do not know if they were envious or threatened but I understood then that every fight was not only about victory, I had to fight for something even more as a female: respect.

Winning something means nothing without respect

Even in the world of sports where unity and fairness is preached lies a dark side of social inequality which I believe is prevalent not only in Judo but almost every single other sports out there. If a girl plays football, she's almost a lesbian. I don't hear that being uttered when a guy does gymnastics! Sports like squash and tennis always offer higher cash prizes to males!

Enough is enough. I support that if women were to be treated equally, then we should not be spared of sexual harassment charges, rape charges or the rotan if convicted. We cannot argue for equal rights if we continue to play the weak card when it comes to punishments. It will be hard to fight for equal rights in a nation that is still very much male engineered. I honestly have yet to see any real social changes to women's rights and being a realist, this would undoubtedly be a tough fight against society but I believe there are other girls, ladies and women out there who share the same vision as I do.

Its time to demand for more respect ladies. We can all make a difference.

The "Us versus Them" mentality, The Malaysian Muslim mentality

   Growing up as a Muslim boy who isn't Malay in a country where the religion of a specific race is determined and set in stone in its constitution sure has led me to question, every once in a while, of whether i will ever fit in or be socially included by people of my own religion without having to change my principles and very mixed yet rich culture to which i am very proud of. Yet time and time again, i never felt like i belong or fit into the cookie-cutter definition of what it means to be a "Malaysian Muslim". Throw in the fact that I am a Sabahan and had spent the majority of my existence there became further ground for social persecution when I had to make the big move to West Malaysia to further my studies. Putting it in simple words without sounding too melodramatic, i was having a hard time adjusting and making friends. 

   You see, I come from a place where we celebrate diversity to its very definition. It is perfectly normal to have families who don't necessarily practice the same faith or celebrate the same thing but respect and celebrate the celebrations together anyway. In fact, that is how it is with my family. 

Making my point

   Upon going to West Malaysia, i noticed a stark difference in culture. Growing up, I often see local adverts celebrating the diversity that is Malaysia and yet i don't necessarily see it translate in real life. Suddenly, my self-introductions seem to begin with people trying to figure out what my race or religion is so as to put me into a box where everyone would assume i should belong into. Once they realize I don't fit into that box, i'm out and forced to find my way with fellow outcasts of mainstream society. I immediately notice that I needed to make a choice -- To fit in, i needed to become more culturally Malay, or culturally Chinese, or culturally... you get the point. 

  This is a point that ties together with the point that I really want to make, that is, finding my identity as a Malaysian Muslim. 

The "Us versus Them" mentality

    The thing that i always noticed is that most of these very particular groups of fanatic (i'm not sure if that's the right word to describe them) Malay Muslims is that they are plague with constant paranoia, per harps instilled by institutionalized racism or religionist attitude portrayed within Malaysian politics in everyday life. It is safe to say that they have a strict idea of what a Muslim ought to be and blame everything and/or everyone else without first looking into themselves, if they happen to come across a fellow Muslim who doesn't necessarily fit into their idea of what a Muslim ought to be. Often times, they would blame and demonize western countries and their culture or purport the idea that liberalism and pluralism shall be the downfall of the Malay Muslim community or that people from other religions are out to convert them without realizing that they are using hatred as a medium to convey their dissatisfaction. It seems to me that these group of Malay Muslims are convincing themselves of the Islamic character of these practices through a rejection of the west or the idea of diversity, on the basis of a simplistic reasoning that stipulates that "the less western, the more Islamic" or "the more Malay, the more Islamic". Hence, I think the main problem for the Muslim community in Malaysia comes from those who are ignorant of Malaysian society for what it really is, that is, the fact that Malaysia is a vibrantly diverse country filled with people of different races, cultures and beliefs. 

Reconciling my faith and my identity as a Malaysian

    I was inspired to write this blog post upon listening and reading the written work of a brilliant man called Tariq Ramadan.

 

Tariq Ramadan, who is an academic and writer, purport the idea that it is necessary to interpret the Qur'an, rather than simply reading the Arabic text, in order to understand its meaning and to practice Islamic philosophy (the continuous search for wisdom in the light of Islamic view of life, the universe, ethics, society and so on). 

He emphasizes that there is a difference between religion and culture and that they are too often confused. He argues that citizenship and religion are separate concepts which should not be mixed. With that in mind, i realized that there is no conflict about being a Muslim and a Malaysian who believes in the spirit of diversity and respect. I do not need to be "more Malay" to be "more Muslim". What i needed to do was to re-examine the fundamental texts of Islam (primarily the Qur'an) and understand them in light of my own cultural background, influenced by Malaysian society.  

Authentic "contribution" to Malaysian society as a Muslim

In Tariq Ramadan's book, To Be a European Muslim on page 150, he wrote that "Muslims now attain, in the space of testimony, the meaning of an essential duty and of an exacting responsibility: to contribute, wherever they are, to promoting good and equity within and through human brotherhood. Muslims' outlook must now change from the reality of "protection" alone to that of an authentic "contribution."

   In other words, Malaysian Muslims and political leaders need to get out of the "Us versus Them" mentality and learn to actively contribute to the growth of the Malaysian society as one nation. In my opinion, the Malaysian Muslim community has been bad at representing itself, and that this has allowed other Malaysians to confuse Islam with cultural traits, as well as political problems. Believe me, if i had a dollar for every time i was mistaken for a Malay because I am a Muslim, i would be rich by now. Muslim political leaders and Malaysian Muslims need to cease from being overly defensive and learn to engage sufficiently with the non-Muslim society and vice-versa if we wish to move forward as a nation as it seems to me that Muslim leadership in Malaysia is partly responsible for the shaky relations between Malay muslims and the rest of the society. We need to whole-heartedly accept the fact that Malaysia is a multi-cultural and multi-racial country with people of differing beliefs if we ever want to properly contribute to the growth of our beloved nation. 

 It's high time Malaysian Muslims take responsibility for their faith and put it to good use in promoting good and equity within and through human brotherhood rather than irresponsibly using it as a political tool to serve their own selfish agenda.